..so I'm living in Cleveland.

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

2010-07-15T21:09:00.001-07:00

Feels like I'm working a lot lately. Feeling tired. Not trying to complain, I am definitely grateful for the hours and know that I'd be bored without a job but all work and no play really does make you dull. I've met some great people here, it just seems hard to figure out schedules lately, especially since I'm working weekends which is when most people are free.
Having visitors was a great break from being alone although it left me pretty exhausted! I don't even feel like I have a lot going on but when it comes time to go to bed I sit and my mind seems to fill with a thousand thoughts. Mostly about my plans for school this fall and all of the things I should and need to do to prepare for auditions, etc. I guess I don't have time to stop and think during the day so when I can relax all of the thoughts come at once. Feeling discouraged sometimes, but mainly staying optimistic about my chosen career path. I know that nothings permanent and that I don't have to figure it all out right now but its impossible for me not to plan. This is a trait that has served me well and has also hurt me. Its difficult to find a balance. Isn't that was everything boils down to? Balance.
In one month I'll be headed back to New York. I am not ready to leave Cleveland. Even though I am so excited to have my first shared apartment with two great girlfriends and hopefully finish up with school, I'd really love more to time explore myself out here. To some it may not seem like a big deal but I feel like this is affecting me in a big way. I am so thankful for this opportunity and still can't believe sometimes as I sit at my intern desk and borrow scripts as often as I want. I'm trying to take advantage of the library of plays at the Play House before I leave. I've decided that if I don't get cast in a show, at least I'll try to know more about the world of theatre than my peers. Not that it should be treated as a competition, but it really is.
Ever since I can remember Mom has always said, "life isn't fair," whether she was referring to something as insignificant as my sister getting more clothes at the shopping mall than me or as important as someone less qualified getting a job over someone else. This is something I think I will always have a difficult time with. Its not that I don't understand, I get it. But I hate it. I know there are many talented people and that I may never reach their skill level but what irritates me is when they don't recognize the chances they've been given. Nevertheless, I still believe that if I work harder and continue to motivate myself that I will eventually come out on top. I'm sure the level of success I envision and the level I will achieve may be very different things depending on where I am in my life at a particular time or how my dreams change in relation to my life's course. Kind of makes planning seem unnecessary doesn't it? Anyone who really knows me, or barely knows me for that matter, will probably say that I will never stop planning or stressing out about the future. In my defense, I do believe I have adjusted my priorities and therefore levels of stress since high school and even last semester. I believe that everyone is a work in progress. Back to the idea of balance, I think most significantly it matters that you strive to find a sense of balance through self-discovery and development rather than claiming to have found it.

"Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try."

I am so lucky this week!

2010-07-05T21:15:00.001-07:00

Two of my close friends from school came to visit me this past weekend! It was really great to finally have some visitors and I really enjoyed showing them all around the city and where I work. I was also able to celebrate a friend from work's 25th birthday with them at my apartment! As you can imagine it was quite an exhausting weekend but I think everyone had a lot of fun. When I saw them get out of the car I was more excited than I've been in a long time. I knew they were coming but it didn't seem real. They had to drive about 8 hours to get here and I still can't believe they did it! The weekend consisted of some games, exploring the city, food, movies, playing guitar and singing, and having some silly, crazy fun. You know you have a good friend when you can make fools out of yourselves together. Some times my stomach would start to hurt just from laughing. I count this as an ab workout for the day. I am so thankful, I have great friends and I love them very much. I am really looking forward to school but am definitely not ready to leave Cleveland yet! It was a great weekend overall and now my mom is visiting for the week! This is all happening at a great time because of the holiday weekend and it being right in the middle of my summer here in Cleveland.
So far it's been about 90+ degrees and we were sweating all day. We decided it'd be a great day to check out the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. Although the heat and humidity made it very difficult to fully enjoy everything, it was still a lot of fun and I even rode a camel! Later we went out to Maggiano's, a nice Italian restaurant, and then went grocery shopping (gotta stock up!) I couldn't have asked for a better day with Mom. Tomorrow we'll probably browse the mall then I have to work at the Play House for a few hours in the afternoon.
Last night Mom and I watched the fourth of July fireworks from my rooftop patio. There were probably 20 different firework shows that we were able to see all around us. It was incredible. Although we didn't get the same effect as when we're right under the action it was still so cool to see so many different displays from all around the city. I'll definitely never forget this and am really looking forward to the rest of the week with my mom!

"I'm pretty sure you're as perfectly timed as one can get."

-The Morning Of-

"Pass it on."

2010-06-30T22:20:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this I'm sure you know that I am currently living in Cleveland working as a Theatre Education Intern at The Cleveland Play House. I am living alone for the first time ever and needless to say it is indeed very different than living at home. I am definitely enjoying my time alone but it does get very lonely, usually in the evenings when I get home from work and have no one to eat dinner with. I love cooking, although I can't really afford a lot of ingredients, but I imagine that someday I will be able to prepare great meals. I love being able to create my own lifestyle and be able to do things when I want to do them. I like being in charge of what goes on around here. (Which seems obvious because no one else lives here but it feels very different.) I did not like being alone at night but after the first few weeks I've grown accustomed to the sounds of an old building. I am a huge wuss so I still get paranoid from time to time. I am so fortunate to have such great parents who listen to me complain when I call them everyday on my way home from work. I hope that's an exaggeration because I don't think all I do is complain, but I know I do. Most of the time I call just because. I think mom and dad are even getting a little sick of me calling for no reason because no one has anything new to share but sometimes just a voice is enough. I believe I was already aware of how important my family was to me after I returned from France, and while I was there, but it has become increasingly apparent to me how truly fortunate I am to have such great people in my life. I have always had, and still have, everything I need. Somehow my parents managed to find such a delicate balance in raising the three of us, my brother, sister, and I, who are all very different. As I grow up I met more and more people who have not had a life like mine or that of many of my friends from home and I realize how lucky I am. I am still young and learning but I do feel like it brings me back to reality every now and then and makes me recognize that I could not do this without them. My parents are my rock. I feel that I'm somewhere between being a child and a friend still. Some days I'm the child, some days we're friends. I think there will always be a little of both. I'm confident that it will all work out.
I will be here until the end of August when I'll go back to school for what will hopefully be the last year I spend on my undergraduate degree. Only time will tell.
So how did I end up in Cleveland? I applied for several internships this summer, all focused on Theatre Education. I am currently working towards my bachelors in Theatre Arts at SUNY Fredonia and plan to pursue my graduate degree in Theatre Education. I'm not sure where I'm headed yet but I've got a few ideas. All of the internships I applied for were for companies based in New York City, except this one. I am so fortunate to have met such supportive people in my life, most notable my family, and certain professors who have helped me out whenever possible. It is because of one professor in particular, I'm not sure if she'd like to be mentioned so I won't, that I have this internship today. She worked closely with my current boss and I'm sure that gave me a competitive edge. I was rejected from every internship program in New York and while packing my car to head back home for the summer I got a call from the Play House informing me of the great news. At the time this felt like a miracle. I was quite discouraged that I wouldn't get a chance to branch out but had prepared myself for some community theatre auditions at home and receiving this internship at what felt like the last minute was unbelievable. Maybe I'm a drama queen, but the reality of what I am doing has brought me to tears on mulitple occassions. Tears of joy and disbelief. It was only after telling my dad how I felt that I realized that this wasn't a miracle at all. The timeline I had set for myself was not universal. In my mind the day I received this call was the last day I had before my summer at home would start, but to the theatre it was just another day that seemed like a good time to hire summer interns. Another note about the crying: While driving to Cleveland at the end of May, it was the most beautiful weather we'd had in awhile. It was one of those days that you just love to go for a drive. I was listening to Eric Hutchinson's "Ok, It's Alright With Me" and was so overcome with a feeling of happiness that I started to cry. At first this really caught me off guard and then I realized, oh my god, these are tears of joy, this is exactly where I am supposed to be and exactly what I am supposed to be doing with my life right now. I am not a "religious" person by any means but I remember praying for something to show me I was headed in the right direction. I remember wanting so badly to know that I was going to school for the right thing and chasing the right dream. Although there can never be a yes or no answer to things like this it definitely felt like it that day, as it continues to feel that way now. Another thing I am so grateful for.
At the Play House I am currently working on preparing materials for next season as we don't have any productions during the summer months. I have had the opportunity to help teach a few children's theatre workshops and give tours of our building. The Cleveland Play House was founded in 1915, making it the nation's oldest regional theatre company. It has been in it's 300,000 square-foot building for 95-years, since 1927. This is such an amazing place and I am meeting a lot of talented and creative people on whom I am hoping to make a good impression. Through this internship I have also made my first friend in Cleveland, Elicia. She is also an Education Intern with me along with 5 other interns in different departments. We hit it off right away and spend a lot of time together. She is from South Carolina so with both of us being new it made it really easy to become friends and discover the area.
I recently found a part-time job at a local wine bar called Grotto. It is literally a 30 second walk from my apartment so it's perfect for me. I am really glad to have found a flexible job as I only work 20-hrs a week at my internship and am not paid hourly. (Only a small weekly stipend.) Everyone I work with, at both jobs, is really friendly and helpful.
I recently posted a Facebook status saying, "All of the nicest people live in Cleveland." This remains true. While buying stamps to send home a Father's Day card and a sympathy card to a close friend who's grandfather had recently passed I found myself .5 cents short. I was literally digging through my purse and I did not have enough money. I asked if I could use a debit card but I could only do a withdrawal. At this point I probably had about $2.00 in my account so there was no was that was going to work. The woman behind the glass handed me two stamps and said, "Pass it on." For a second I was confused and then I realized she was giving me the .5 cents I needed. She had helped me in what was a small way for her but meant a huge deal to me. Sending those cards was something very important to me and I think she could see that. This isn't about money or cards. It's about seeing the challenges people face and figuring out how you can help, in even the smallest of ways. "Pass it on."

"Everyone needs help from everyone."
-Bertolt Brecht-